In the last section we talked about your ideal life and some of the dreams you have for how you live. In this section, I want to try to be a little more in depth with things you should address when looking over your life as it is and comparing it to how you want it to be.
So, let’s start by taking a look at the major stuff.
1.) Finances. How do you handle debt? How do you handle balancing the checkbook? Do you think investing is a good idea and are you doing it if you do? Are you good at saving? What sort of things are okay to impulse shop for or do you never indulge in impulse shopping? Do you only buy certain things when they are on sale and stock up then or do you make a trip to the store every night on your way home from work? Do you want to be able to stay at home and let your Dom take care of the work and finances so you don’t have to deal with it? What are you strengths in the area of finances? What are your weaknesses?
I highly recommend that, even if you think you handle finances just fine, you take a class on financial management such as Financial Peace University or Suze Orman’s program. Can’t afford to take classes? Check your local thrift stores for books on financial management.
2.) Spirituality is an area that sometimes gets glazed over. When it is discussed we tend to lightly touch on things like church attendance, person spiritual beliefs, family history of spirituality and those sorts of topics. Do you attend church? If so, how often? Are you involved in activities with your church? One of the major things that causes people to break up is how spirituality is handled. If one person firmly believes that the family unit should be in church every time the doors are open and the other thinks Mass at Christmas is “regular church attendance” you need to know this before you accept the collar.
3.) Children can be a sticky area as well. Do you or your potential Dom not want children? Already have children? Want more children than what you have already? If your Dom wants 7 kids and you had a hysterectomy 5 years ago because you never want to have little ones under foot then that needs to be discussed. Don’t overlook the family size and lifestyle and assume He wants what you want. Be very clear with each other about this area.
4.) Sex in every form. Can you be adult enough to discuss your feelings and beliefs about sex? Do you think that phone sex is gross and stupid but put up with it because that really hot Dom is 3,000 miles away and you don’t want to upset him? Or maybe you wish once in a while He would call you and get you all hot and bothered? This is a great time to get into those BDSM checklists. I’ve linked one here but there are many variations of them. Search them and take several different ones. Do some research on terms you don’t know or recognize. Also, look at how you have treated or were treated sexually in the past. Were there any traumas dealing with sex for you? Discuss those traumas and the way you handle similar situations now. If the smell of Old Spice reminds you of the guy that molested you in the theater and you cant stand to watch movies with trains in it because of it now, a potential Dom needs to know this.
5.) Politics. Its not enough to say “I’m a Democrat” or “I’m a republican.” Do you know why you have chosen the political party you have? Do you understand the basics of your parties’ goals and the things they find important? Do you vote? If so, why? If not, why not? Do you know where you stand on major political issues like abortion, health care, military spending, taxes and suc? Are you involved in any political activities?
6.) Criminal history. Have you ever been arrested? If so, for what? Knowing that a potential Dom was arrested for assault and battery on his ex-wife and the details behind it are going to be crucial knowledge for you. Or maybe you were fined for aiding a runaway once when you were 19 because your best friend ran away from home and flopped at your place for 2 days and the police finally found her there. Are you a chronic parking violator? Or are you fortunate enough to have never done anything remotely illegal?
7.) Ex’s everybody’s got at least one. Why and how did the relationship end? How do you think you would feel if you ran into your ex today? What were some of the things you did that contributed to the breakup? So you still believe it was all his fault? Did he tie you up and leave you for 7 hours in the basement? Are you claustrophobic now because her favorite thing in the world was to sit on you and try to smother you with a pillow?
Don’t just look at the turn-on’s of your potential partner. Really know your turn-offs as well and learn how to deal with things that are somewhere in between. And by “learn how to deal” I don’t mean stick your head in the sand and pretend it will go away.
Some great things you can look into for questions to ask or other things to discuss would be pre-marital counseling questions. They tend to cover nearly everything that arises in a relationship that could cause conflict. Rev. Holly Skinner has a fairly good one.
For now i have given you some checklists, places to go for further understanding, and things to think about and question potential Dominants on. Do your homework and be as prepared as possible for some heavy duty discussions. Next time I’ll be discussing your mental health so get ready for some tough questions lol.
That Crinkled Chick 