About Me

I have been asked several times why I chose the name “Kahlana.” There is a lot of symbolism in this name for me. The main one being that it is something I have chosen it for myself. No one told me “This is your name. This is who you are.” Granted there are those, like my Master, who prefer it to my given name, but they didnt choose the name for me. I have gone by the shortened nick of “Lana” mostly because I am not a very formal person when it comes to my friends and family. And lets face it, Lana is a heck of a lot easier to type that Kahlana. (smiles) But deep in my heart I am and always will be “Kahlana.” So, how did I come up with “Kahlana”‘ for a name? It’s somewhat of a long and involved process, hope you have the time for the long version. (smile)
About 8 or 9 years ago I played a PS2 game called Everquest Online Adventures, I had also just read Terry Goodkind’s book, “”The Sword of Truth” and was attempting to learn the Choctaw language. I needed a nickname for the game and really had liked a character from the book named Kahlan. Also I had just figured out my Choctaw name, Ahnli Kana (White Friend or something like that). So , I had chosen Kahlan as my screen name for the game but when I tried to use it found someone else already had it. So I get creative and an “a” on the end and “voila`” Kahlana is born. A few days after all this I was doodling on a notepad and happened to rearrange my Choctaw name and found that it read “In Kahlana.” Well of course that was a sign from the powers that be that Kahlana was “”My” name. And that’s how Kahlana came to be.
Some of the things being Kahlana means to me…
1.) The ability to, finally after years of “reacting,” take action and responsibility for myself. This means that I no longer blame all my hardships in life on everyone else. Yes, horrible things that were not my fault have been done. But the way I handled those things is my responsibility and noone else’s. I can choose to become someone who allows those things to overwhelm her and crush her or I can choose to be strong and resilient and act in a mature manner and name those things for what they are without taking them into myself.
2.) Noone handed me this name and said to me “Because this is your name you must now behave a certain way, live up to so and so’s expectations of you, become thus and such.’ Kahlana allows me to be who and what I feel about me. Kahlana is not so and so’s daughter or sister and therefore must always be a reflection of them. Kahlana is free to choose her own path in life and walk it free of “‘family guilt.” Something that in my everyday life I continually struggle with. Kahlana is also not so and so’s wife or ex-wife. She is free to be her own woman and find out exactly what that means for her. Not what someone else tells her is the “proper role” for a wife or ex wife. Meaning if Kahlana wants to be friends with her ex-husband that’s just fine. These are just a couple of examples but I’m sure you get the picture.
Now please don’t misunderstand me. I am not hiding behind some “persona” named Kahlana. That would schizophrenic and I assure you I am not that. I am still the person I always was. But by taking the name Kahlana, I am embracing everything it means to be me. I am becoming a more balanced, more self-aware person everyday. I am choosing to BE all the things I am to the people who love me but I am choosing to do it on MY terms for a change and not just allowing people or circumstances in my life to dictate to me who I am, how I will react, or even if I will react.
In a nutshell, Kahlana represents balance, maturity, wisdom, and coming of age in a sense for me.
So, for those who are close to me and may not understand my reasons for being Kahlana instead of all the names you know me by, i hope that my little explanation here has helped to clear things up.
(And yes, my Master loves the name and has requested that I wear it, but I gave myself this name long before I even knew about Him.)

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