Sub-Frenzy Again?

Well, it seems that sub-frenzy has hit again. The first time I felt this way I was knee-deep in researching the lifestyle and my possible place in it. Now, 6 years later that same sense of “must do something obviously submissive right this second or I will explode” has come upon me again. I am, however attempting to keep it better controlled this time around. Perhaps an understanding of what is happening is helping with that. In the beginning, I remember hoping to find a terrific Dom who would take complete control and “fix whatever ailed me.” Like some scene from from some badly written only one step from porn romance novel. He would wear leather 24/7 and fast draw a flogger quicker than i could hit my knees before his Domly presence. But, I took a few deep breaths, realized that while the fantasy was fun it wasn’t always practical and made myself a list of the truly, deep down in my bones need to have to survive in any kind of relationship stuff and kept it close to my computer as I searched far and wide. Of course I messed up and fell into the wrong relationships but happily was careful enough to come out the other side relatively unscathed. Over time I eventually found my Master, a caring, stable person that enjoys my company as much as I enjoy his. So why am I feeling sub-frenzy now? I tend to think the events of the last year have really pushed it to the fore-front for me. I have been very ill and gone through a major surgery from which I am still recovering. We have had Master’s ex to deal with and all the garbage she has tried to heap on us. We have truly tried to keep kink as much a part of our relationship as possible but when you are exhausted from dealing with idiocy, hurting from health issues and dealing with family things on top of it all, kink tends to get relegated to the back burner. And too, I think that we get lazy. It’s easy to just kiss and roll over to sleep and worry about the kinky side of life some other day. But then some other day seems farther and farther away. Another thing that could be a part of the problem is that we stop seeing each other as Master and submissive and become more equal in our everyday life. I’m not saying equality is a bad thing. But when a girl is submissive she needs to feel Dominated once in a while to keep her head straight. And I haven’t been in a position really where falling to my knees when he walks in the room has been an option for me for almost a year now. Yes I miss the interaction and dynamics of the D/s relationship but at the same time I am thrilled with the love and respect I am given just as a human being aside from the kink. I will survive this little bout of sub-frenzy I am sure. And I think a lot of that has to do with recognizing it for what it is and putting it where it needs to be for now. Until I am back to 100% health having my body flogged for a few hours or being tied up in some intricate rope bondage isnt going to work for me. So patience is my lesson for now.

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