How To Be A Bitch

So I am ditty-bopping along reading some profiles on a favorite site when I come across one in which the poster claims to be of above average intelligence and, while not outright calling the rest of the world complete Neanderthals, makes it perfectly clear that her intelligence is so far above our own as to render her conversation incomprehensible to the rest of the world. She invites messages but only if one can spell properly AND use correct punctuation. However, none of her paragraphs begin with capital letters. In fact the only letter she manages to capitalize in the whole thing is “I” as in “I am from wisconsin and I like watching raiders of the lost ark.” As for punctuation, every other sentence ends in double periods and at one point something she says is double bracketed. There are no commas for conjunctions or clauses. My advice to her is to go take a few English courses at college. As for my personal level of intelligence, I have an IQ of 138. Do I always spell things correctly? Nope. Do I always use correct punctuation and grammar? You gotta be kidding me.The way I type has nothing to do with my level of intelligence. It does, however, speak to my level of laziness.

Oh and she despises petty compliments and only wants to talk to girls she thinks are pretty. Um… yeah… okay. What girl doesn’t enjoy hearing “You have a pretty smile” or “God, I love your eyes. They seemed to bore into my soul.” Sorry, but I’ll take “insipid, transparent compliments ANY day of the week. So what if I know you are only trying to get into my cyber pants? It’s still nice to think that someone finds me attractive enough to send those insipid, transparent compliments. And as for only talking to “pretty girls,” well sweet thang beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder and even though you look attractive at first glance what you have to say about yourself and others only shows an ugliness of soul that no amount of make-up or body modification will be able to hide for long.

Honestly, I feel so very sorry for people like this girl. She will never know what its like to have a real friend who loves her whether she is skinny, fat, having a great hair day or going through a shave-my-head-and-dye-my-scalp-blue day. She will overlook the folks who cant spell worth a lick but will bake you a cake and make you a gift with their own two hands for your birthday. She will never know what its like to have a complete stranger walk up to her and tell her that her smile is absolutely stunning because she stopped to listen to a little child in a grocery store and whatever that child had to say made her smile. And the stranger wont notice she has a few teeth missing or that her hair isn’t combed just right. That stranger isn’t going to ask to see her degree from XYZ college before he pays her a compliment.

I’ve seen girls like her in action. They want a guy to notice them but if he should buy a beer she loses interest immediately and dubs him a “drunk” without further ado. If, on the off chance, she should find a guy who meets her attractiveness, intelligence, sobriety tests AND they wind up on a date or at a party for a friend, if said guy doesn’t pay attention to HER at all times she will become bored with the whole thing and demand to be taken home immediately. His attention must be worshipful and he may not say hello to friends they may meet while in public. Most especially not if said friends are female. Unless the friend is “unattractive” by her standards. But then the hello must be brief and not involve any body contact including hugging the unattractive friend.

And this darling will tell you “I am not a bitch. I just don’t care for stupidity” No honey, what you don’t like is for someone to show you up for the shallow, self-serving, ego-maniacal snob you really are. Oooh were those words too big for you? I apologize for allowing my intelligence to show around you. I will attempt to keep it reined in next time. Wouldn’t want to show you up, now would we?


  1. Tasneem R Said:

    Oops….you’re really upset with this girl . Forget about such people and don’t make mistake of calling them as friends and if really you consider yourself to be her pal then try your best to explain her where she is going wrong . Hope your blog brings some positive changes in her .

    How good are you as a friend? Check here –

    • dacrinkly Said:

      oh im not her friend. acquaintance is more like it. and im not mad at her i just didn’t like her attitude towards people she feels are beneath her. She “ain’t all that and a bag of chips”

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