Chemistry, Romance and Common Sense

Since when is chemistry and romance more important than anything else including common sense and reasoning when it comes to a D/s relationship? This person has the potential to cause you serious injury even death and you are more interested in chemistry than how long they have been using those bondage techniques on real live human beings? This person could be the next Ted Bundy but he’s hot so who cares if he knows CPR and First Aid I just want to jump his bones!

I used to choose my relationships based on chemistry and romance. And ended up with a sexy abuser, a hot cheater, and a cute drunk. Then I came into the lifestyle and learned to choose my relationships based on logical things like, does this person have the skills I need to learn, can this person help me on the off chance something went wrong and I
was injured, does this person have a job, a social circle, a decent but not freaky relationship with their parents, do they have mental health issues that could cause irreparable damage to me or anyone close to me.

Why not start out logically and see if the chemistry develops? Why not use tools like a “resume'” or a BDSM checklist, or a contract as a jumping point for conversations about what works and doesn’t work for you in a relationship or a scene? Everyone in this lifestyle swears that communication is key to making a D/s relationship work. It’s sad how many turn right around though and proclaim that they could never use such cold and distant tools like the contract or checklist or resume because they are looking for King Arthur not Mr. Spock. I highly doubt that decent Dominants would be offended by a girl who handed them a well written package of information about themselves. Yes it takes some of the mystery out of learning about each other but it would also take some of the danger and heartache out of it as well.

Also, if a submissive can hand over a resume’ and BDSM checklist why not a Dominant? It would certainly help a submissive know if the Dominant has skills that she could learn or if the person is into things that are hard limits for her. I may not remember to ask the all of 53 questions I should but having a list of skills, strengths, weaknesses, what have you might help jog my memory. And yes’ I have a resume’ of my regular life skills as well as my D/s skills and I do have a checklist with hard and soft limits, things I am interested in trying and things I have actually done. And I gave both to my Master to look over. I didn’t want him to ever say to me “Well you never told me that about yourself so the deal is off.” It also gives me a huge boost of confidence when I am able to add a skill to the list and who couldn’t use that?

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