Adventures in Being Weak

I hate being weak. I am strong, a survivor, a stand on my own two feet kind of girl. So what does a person like that do when something like a major surgery knocks them flat for a while? I would love to say I hung out on the internet writing fascinating things about my amazing life but that would be so not true since the stupid modem is only allowing one computer at a time on the net around here. All was well until about 5 days ago. Now its a struggle to just read email or check on the groups I am involved in. I think our modem is on its last legs.
Anyway, being weak is hard for me. This is a different kind of weakness. It’s not like being helpless in a scene or being physically incapable of handling a job. This is “major pain if I don’t take my pain killers, don’t lift anything heavier than your coat” kind of weakness. This is “I can’t stand in the kitchen long enough to make popcorn for the family on movie night” kind of weakness. This is “dont sneeze or cough too hard” weakness. Somebody has to reach the top stuff in the cabinets, be in the bathroom with me in case i need something i cant just hop over and get for myself. I cant even fix my own hair without feeling like i just got run over with a steam roller. I havent felt like wearing my makeup or fixing my hair all nice. I live in stretch pants and teeshirts. Ugh!
I actually had all my old “fat” clothes packed up to go to Goodwill and had to have Adrian go get them so i could get the clothes that would fit over my swollen tummy without pain out again. I really hate my fat clothes. I really hate even having to wear them temporarily again.
Shades keeps telling me my tummy looks like its getting smaller again everyday. Thanks to him for that even though i cant see the progress he does. I am very blessed with a man who understands it takes the body a while to heal from something like this. He lets me sleep as much as i want (or rather am forced to by the pain meds). Oh yeah and here’s another thing. I HATE pain meds. I despise with my entire being having to take them. I tried to skip them and went from 5pm one evening to 7pm the following evening without taking a single pill. I was in pain but handling it pretty well. Then a double sneeze sent me to the emergency room in horrible pain. There was a small amount of spotting. One CT scan and some seriously heavy painkillers later and I was on my way home again with another prescription for more pain killers and a warning to not overdo again. Like i had any choice with the sneezing.
Well, thats it for this rant, the pain meds are kicking in and im getting woozy again so i guess im off to sleep some more.

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