I know, New Years isn’t the best time to make resolutions because people rarely stick with them. Which is why I am doing this now HA!

Seriously, after a year of doing pretty much next to nothing due to illness and surgery I am tired of being out of shape and having a shot immune system. So, I’m putting together a “Get my body back” regimen.

I’ve made a “2010 To Do List” of things I want to accomplish this year. But, a lot of my problem finishing things comes from lacking motivation. I want to do things to improve my health, my mind and my situation in life but it’s difficult to do alone. Perhaps by putting it out for the whole world to see, I will finally be able to get this stuff done. So here it is in all its glory and gruesomeness lol.

Physical:

1.) Get back into shape

2.) Quit smoking

3.) Take more “Me time”

4.) Learn to a few different dance styles (ie. Belly Dance, pole dancing, ballroom dancing)

5.) Get my tattoos done

6.) Grow out my hair

Financial:

1.) Save $50.00 from every check in savings

2.) Get control of my spending

3.) Start paying off all debts

4.) Get insurance started up again

Home:

1.) Finally get rid of all the “junk” from the upstairs apartment

2.) Get all the stuff we have to keep into plastic totes and in the basement

3.) Get the downstairs apartment cleaned out

4.) Have a yard sale and get rid of all the stuff we don’t need, want, use

5.) Help Ray and the roomie get the garage finished.

Education:

1.) Find funding to go back to school for Administrative Assistant

2.) Finish my Green Witch class

3.) Finish my ministerial counseling class

4.) Get at least 10 chapters on my book done.

5.) Finish writing my tarot lessons for the website I started them on.

Family:

1.) Start a “Girl’s Day Out” with the kidlets

2.) Have regular “Date Nights” with Ray

3.) Take the time to go to all the places we have been talking about taking the girls

4.) Take lots more pictures and videos of us as a family

Well, I think this is a good list for the upcoming year. I know it isn’t too overwhelming for me, I just have to get busy and get it done lol. But as I said, I have to figure out how to get myself motivated and hopefully by putting it here I will be encouraged to at least attempt to do all of this.

I was going to go visit my parents who lived in a motor home park. My dad had just had brain surgery. Mom was working all the time trying to take care of them and the people that owned the park were letting them live there rent free. I walked over halfway there and then R who was looking amazingly young stopped and picked me up. Our girls and our friend B were with him. R had gotten me some jelly shoes in my size that had tinker belle on them and i loved them. they were so perfectly comfortable. but trying to find them i was late to this conference thing and that pissed off my sister who was in charge of it. I was supposed to speak there but i wasnt sure what the subject i was supposed to speak on was. There was a 3year old little boy there who was doing sexually inappropriate things and his mother was extremely embarrassed and trying to stop him. Then it hit me. this was some sort of christian conference. but they had to turned to me for help because they didn’t know what else to do. Exorcism, and prayer and fasting hadn’t helped, so they turned to the “devil worshiper” to try to get some help for a child they thought had a demon. I was holding the child and praying for him when it became clear to me what was happening. throughout the time that i had been in the is motor home park i had seen kids acting out in ways that i couldnt understand why their parents let them do that. Now i understood they actually had no control. I also understood one other thing. I may be Pagan but i still believe the Bible has some valid truths and here’s one i saw in this motor home park. The sins of the fathers will be visited upon the children. It didnt mean the kids would PAY for those sins it meant that what those parents did in secret were about to be unleashed in public by their children. I was to teach them how to  become lightworkers but none of them would hear me. The men in charge of the group would not allow me to bring in the books and authors i had learned from in order to help these people. they attempted to debunk me but they couldnt refute the evidence of the little boy who who was suddenly a normal three year old instead of a sex maniac. then my friend B suddenly was covered in tattoos of an angelic nature that led him to do horrible things. Someone turned up skinned alive and his face floating in a fishtank. the face kept trying to tell me something but i couldnt understand. I tried to stop B for a long time but he was always sneaking around killing the people trying to help me. finally there was me and one woman left and she offered to be the “bait” if it would give me the opportunity to get a hold of B and stop him. She didnt have to give her life however as B found me first. When he attacked me i got my hands around his neck and began beating his head against the wall until there was nothing left of his head but this blue goo stuff. The building we were in was on fire and we ran out only to confront a big man in a business suit wearing purple gloves i stripped the gloves off him to find the same sigils tattooed on him as on B. he asked me to teach him how to use the power right and i told him that i could not stay and help him but if he was serious about learning to use the power for good things to call me and i gave him my business card.  behind me a wall fell down and my purse slipped out. it was full of money and i said “thank you B. he knew who he was at the last”  Then R came running up and was hugging me and kissing me in that perfect way that makes you just melt completely. I told him i loved the way he kissed. then my mom came over and gave me an album that was full of my school pics and papers and things i have done or said over the years. My sister looked at me and said “she never did that for any of the rest of us” i knew then as i went through it that my mother loved me

I sat on Kinky Santa’s lap and told him what I want. You can too http://fetlife.com/sit_on_santas_lap

Enter to win one of 218 prizes. It’s easy and fun. Soooo, have you been nice or naughty this year?

So I had this thought while lying in bed trying to sleep. What if I could put together a Common Sense Guide to Submission for new people in the lifestyle. Something to really break down what it is to be a submissive. A way to pull the important things a new sub needs to know out of all the garbage and nonsense out there. Yes I know there are so many blogs out there about this or that one’s journey as a submissive. And there are also a lot of sites that offer practical advice on finding a Dominant. Hey, I even wrote an article about it myself. But I haven’t found a lot of advice on living from day to day in a BDSM household on a 24/7 basis. I am sure there are sites around that DO address the issue but they seem to be pretty hard to find.

First, I suppose I should explain my theory of common sense submission so that you can understand where I am coming from a little more. I have a few basic “tenets” of what I believe submission is and how day to day life works once you figure out you are submissive. A lot of my beliefs stem from my personal experience so I do hope that those who would read this and proclaim that this isn’t “how my submission works”  will understand that I am not talking to you. You want to do it differently go right ahead. I just found, for myself,  that a lot of things that I was taught at the beginning of my journey didn’t work for me in a practical sense.

The first thing I believe about submission is that it is possible to be submissive and not be collared to a Dominant. I can hear the gasps of outrage now. Too many folks seem to think that being collared is going to make everything all perfect and wonderful in their world. I don’t happen to agree with that. I think you can be submissive without being collared because honest to pete submission takes the same self-discipline and self-control that we subs demand of our Dominants.

The second thing I believe about submission is that it is not a gift but is instead an attitude that permeates every action, every thought, every word that comes from my heart towards my Dominant.  In keeping with this I also believe that submission is a service I perform for one I am submitted to.

I believe that it is a submissive’s absolute duty to bring her A-Game to the table when offering her submission to a Dominant. By this I mean that the submissive has dealt with any mental, emotional, financial and spiritual issues that may cause her to be less than submitted to the Dominant she chooses to offer her submission to. This means some very serious soul searching, hard work, dedication and self-discipline. I don’t know that there are many out there willing to put in the time and effort it will take to become the best submissive they can possibly be. But for those of you who are earnestly seeking to become the best you can be I hope that my thoughts and ponderings on this will be helpful as you find your path.

I was raised in a Pentecostal home. I was taught that a proper wife submits to her husband and he is the final authority in all things. I had no idea however of what true submission meant. I was simply told that my husband was now in charge of me. That got me into a lot of situations that I never wanted to be in. When I finally realized what was happening I got out and defied anyone to tell me what to do ever again. I have met so many women like this that have gone through the same things. We all went though a period of being “men-haters” and bitterness. I didn’t want to be a man-hater or a bitter person. I wanted to be in a loving, committed relationship where my natural abilities, talents, skills and all the other things I had to offer were enhanced, enjoyed, and appreciated. I feel very blessed to have found that finally, but it took me over 35 years to find it.

I has a happy! I can get a standard Tarot of Dreams deck! Not as cool as a first edition deck with the interactive CD would have been but who’s whining??? I am so happy!

So got I diagnosed with hypoglycemia last week. Oh joy! Not. This morning I began the arduous task of beginning to monitor my blood sugar levels. Painful let me tell you. I so do not like pricking the end of my finger. Of course I read on after I had already done it  and found out that I could use my forearm or upper arm as well. Yay! for that at least. I am beginning to feel like a walking disaster area though. First we have the asthma and allerigies to myriads of little things like fur, tomatoes, scented body wash, and certain laundry soaps. Then there came the chronic migraines and the Fibromyalgia. After that the endometriosis tried taking over my life. Ha! I fixed that one. Got the offending organ removed. No more cancer scares and no more horrid PMS. Now theres something sore and painfully hot in my throat. SHIT! I hate this. I was so healthy last year and suddenly things just went downhill. But enough of the whining.

Happily, I have started on my book about the magical and energetic properties of crystals, gemstones and minerals. Would that i had the finances to travel. One of the things I would love to be able to do would be to travel to some of the more exotic locals and learn first hand what the Natives legends and mythos about different stones are. And of course just to check the places out as a tourista type.  I am finding so much information about each stone that I may end up with a comprehensive encyclopedia by the time I’m done. (Like that would be a bad thing?)

On another happy note, the kiddo got me the Legacy of the Divine tarot (a Ciro Marchetti deck) a couple of days ago and I have been having a blast working all my favorite spreads with it. And have been getting some amazing new insights into prior questions. Time to to break out the ole Book of Secrets and do some looking back at other things I’ve thought about and studied with other Tarot decks. It is really interesting to me that I can get more in depth answers when I switch decks back and forth on a particular question.  Working with the Gilded Tarot (from Ciro Marchetti) prior to getting this new deck was very revealing and deeply comprehensive but it’s like the Legacy tarot takes those readings to a deeper level than I have been before. I am sure I will have tons more to say on both decks as I learn to weave them together. My only regret is not being able to get the Tarot of Dreams anymore. Its the second deck from Ciro Marchetti and from what I have seen of it I think it would bring a richness to the story that isnt quite there with just the 2 decks. I shall have to go on a quest to get Mr. Marchetti to at least consider a second printing of the Tarot of Dreams. ~smiles~

Well dear readers I am off to sleep for a bit again as  I am on my crazy schedule of 7 on and 7 off. Happily only 3 more nights on then I can relax for a day or 2 before the busy-ness of  the last season for hunting. Oh and there’s a tree to decorate for Christmas, a Solstice ritual to plan for the kiddo and myself and a Yule ritual to prepare for as well. Being in a multi-religion household means lots and lots of different rituals. We have Catholic (Master and yes we will be attending Mass this year), a Lutheran (Masters kiddo and what the heck do Lutherans do for Christmas?) a Pagan (that would be me and the roomie) and a Wiccan (my kiddo). So yep lots of partying here lol. Darn I need a nap now lol.

–noun

Some people really really need to get a clue. Submission is NOT a gift. Submission is a service. Love is a gift. Because regardless of what you think of me I can love you all day long and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. Submission is a service because I can offer it to you but if you reject it then I move on.
Love is doing what is best for someone whether or not they are aware of it. Submission is doing what is expected of you. Someone wants you to do a certain task you do that task regardless of whether or not you feel like it at that moment. Love is not submission. I can submit to a play partner and not love them. It’s done every single day in dungeons and clubs all across the USA. Submission is my contracted service for whatever activity is being done for a specified time period whether or not I find myself in love with you. I dont always have to be submitted to you. Love has nothing to do with it. Too many people are confusing the emotions of love with acts of submission.

Submission Defined:
submission [səbˈmɪʃən]n

1. an act or instance of submitting

2. something submitted; a proposal, argument, etc.

3. the quality or condition of being submissive to another

Love Defined:

1.	a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.	a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3.	sexual passion or desire.

4.	a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

5.	(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

6.	a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.

7.	sexual intercourse; copulation.

8.	(initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.

9.	affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one’s neighbor.

10.	strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.

11.	the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.

12.	the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.

–verb (used with object)

15.	to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.

16.	to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).

17.	to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.

18.	to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.

19.	to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.

20.	to have sexual intercourse with.

–verb (used without object)

21.	to have love or affection for another person; be in love.

—Verb phrase

22.	love up, to hug and cuddle: She loves him up every chance she gets.

—Idioms

23.	for love, a. out of affection or liking; for pleasure. b. without compensation; gratuitously: He took care of the poor for love.

24.	for the love of, in consideration of; for the sake of: For the love of mercy, stop that noise.

25.	in love, infused with or feeling deep affection or passion: a youth always in love.

26.	in love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (a person, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with the girl next door; in love with one’s work.

27.	make love, a. to embrace and kiss as lovers. b. to engage in sexual activity.

28.	no love lost, dislike; animosity: There was no love lost between the two brothers.

They look like 2 VERY different words to me.

Oh and just for good measure

Gift Defined:
Anything given; anything voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation; a present; an offering.
The act, right, or power of giving or bestowing; as, the office is in the gift of the President.
A voluntary transfer of real or personal property, without any consideration. It can be perfected only by deed, or in case of personal property, by an actual delivery of possession.
To endow with some power or faculty.

serv⋅ice

an act of helpful activity; help; aid: to do someone a service.
the performance of duties or the duties performed as or by a waiter or servant; occupation or employment as a waiter or servant.

By these very definitions of the words submission, love, gift, and service there is no way that submission can be a gift. Because my submission doesn’t come without “strings” of some sort. It is also revokable (that means I can take it back.)

One of the things that drives me absolutely bonkers about some folks in this lifestyle is how they try to “pretty” up BDSM. BDSM isn’t pretty or rosy or sweetness and light. It also isnt whips and chains and leather all the time. That stuff is “fetish” and there while BDSM and fetish can walk hand in hand, BDSM is a lifestyle while fetish is sexual. A fetish is a psychological attachment to something that results in sexual pleasure.
Submission does not always result in sexual pleasure. Sometimes it’s darn hard to say “Yes Master” when I don’t feel like it. Being His submissive means I do it anyway. This lifestyle isnt some Happily Ever After and it gets really annoying when people who dont have the faintest clue what the hell they are talking about start in about how their submission is a gift. These people are the ones who keep perpetuating the myth to the newbies. Unfortunately so many of us stand by and let them.

The thing is, I am still submissive whether or not I have a Master to serve. If I owned my own business as a housekeeper but didn’t have any houses to clean just now would that make me any less a house keeper? No it just means my service isn’t being utilized just then. but so many think they have to be in submission to someone or their life isnt complete. They don’t understand that it’s who you ARE not what you are doing right that moment.

I keep getting this question. From my Master, from white men and occasionally from the men I talk to. Why do I want to be with a black man?

First, let me address something. I am in a stable, healthy relationship. We don’t fight or fuss at each other. We aren’t dissatisfied with our sex life. If anything since they hysterectomy it’s gotten even more fantastic. He is not looking to dump me on someone else. I’m not looking for someone else to take over as Master or boyfriend or sugar daddy. He is not forcing me to do this. It’s my fantasy as much if not more so than his. We are a normal couple who just happen to have a little kinkiness to us.

It does have something to do with the contrast of skin colors. Black and white are always a beautiful combination. It does have something to do with having something I never have before. I’ve been with white, Native Alaskan, Hispanic but never with a black man. There’s a little bit of the size factor in there as well. Most black men are simply bigger than most the white men I have been with.

Mostly, for me, it is about being with someone who instead of denying the things that I fantasize about or belittling me for wanting to try something new, encourages me to get out there and try things that look interesting to me but maybe I’m a little afraid to try. I am a little timid sometimes. Due mostly to not so positive life experiences I suppose.

I think it is like being a little girl walking with Daddy down the street and seeing a beautiful doll in a store window. I look up at him with the question in my eyes. Afraid to ask in case he says no but feeling deep inside that I need to have it. And instead of telling me no he takes my hand and enters the store with me. Inside I discover all sorts of beautiful dolls and while each is amazing in it’s own way, I am drawn back, again and again, to the one in the window.

I think my fantasies are like the dolls. Each one beautiful and I know they will be fun and provide hours of entertainment but there is one that draws me over and over and that is being with a black man.

I don’t expect people to understand my fascination. I don’t fully understand it myself but it’s there.

Conversations stay in my mind long after the person I had them with has left me.

Here’s an interesting thought brought about by a conversation with a very nice Dom earlier this morning.

Does a Dominant have to automatically punish a submissive?

Perhaps she is a careful sub who does her best at all times so there is no need for more than a warning or verbal (or non-verbal) punishment for her to understand she has transgressed and therefore should change her behavior.

Does it make her a doormat if she is perceptive enough to understand when she has stepped out of line and work toward changing the offending behavior?

Perhaps if her needs and opinions on things are being ignored that might be the case but if she is a quick study and is desirous of being the best possible submissive she can be then I can’t see that her changing unwanted behaviors would lead her to being a doormat.

So, I can’t see a need for physical punishments if she is truly doing her best. Now if the submissive becomes lazy and takes for granted her Dominant’s authority in her life and begins to become careless then yes I could see a need for punishments. However, if, as I understand submission, one is the property of a Dominant then it is up to the Dominant to find ways of correcting the behavior without needing to resort to punishment.

Would you whip your car if it ran out of gas? Or perhaps flog the toaster because it refused to toast your bread just so any more?

I would like to think that instead of instantly punishing transgressions a Dominant would take the time to find out the problem.

Or is this simply something that the submissive should work on once the Dominant has pointed out the fault?

But then perhaps almost 6 am is too late or too early for such thoughts and I should haul my booty off to bed.

shower me with kisses til our lips are numb
then kiss me more
love me till i cant breathe
then love me longer
so that when i die
it will be knowing i had you
sing me to sleep
then sing for me longer
so that my dreams are of you
and are the sweetest ive had yet
hold me till the mountains tremble and fall
then hold me until the oceans fill all the valleys
then i will know that we are together for always
©DCkahlana